Love- A Follow Up

Hey friends,

I am quite excited by all of your comments on my recent two articles. I felt like I needed to clarify my article on love. Some people are confused as to what kind of love I am talking about. So, here is a clearer definition of what ‘love’ means to me.

There are several kind of loves:

1. Love # 1: The kind of love you have for your parents and family members- the non-sexual kind of love
2. Love # 2: The kind of love you have friends: male or female- which is purely platonic, non-sexual kind of love
2. Love # 2: The kind of love you have for the opposite sex- the romantic stuff
3. Love # 3: The kind of love you have for God- the awesome reverence and fear of God

So, in other words, the way I love my God would be different from the way I love my sister. The way I love my girlfriend, for example, would be different from the way I love my dad. So keeping that in mind, the original definition of what loves means to me is when someone is ready to die for someone they love, that is the ultimate, the zenith, of what love is to me! Now, there are several ways we can show our love to one another, and following is my guideline as to how we can do that. Keep in mind, these ways to love someone is not based on sexual love, it can also be platonic love. Keep also in mind, the various kind of people who you love, not just your potential girl/ boyfriend, but also your siblings, school friends, friends at work, relatives, cousins etc etc.

Acceptance
Means receiving one another willingly and unconditionally, especially when one’s behavior has been less than perfect. It might mean opening up our hearts to one another without regard to their faults, weaknesses or struggles. I think of a friend who has indulged in prostitution. I can go the easy way and say “you are out of my life because of the way you live.” But, I choose to continue to love this friend. It is because I want the best for him.

Affection
Means expressing care and love through appropriate physical touch and loving words. Simple things, like a hug to your dad, a pat on the back of a friend, or simply saying I care for you to your girlfriend.

Approval
Means acknowledging and expressing gratefulness for another’s qualities. Some of the qualities can include, but not limited to: boldness, compassion, diligence, humility, joy, love, loyalty, honestly, punctuality, obedience, understanding, virtue, wisdom and so on.

Attention (Care)
Means conveying appropriate interest, concern and care for one another, taking thought of another, or basically entering into another’s world. Might mean to give up some of our own time, to spend time with someone else. Like, I sometimes give up my time to go watch a movie with my sister because she is dying to see it. Its when I don’t complain when my mom wants to go shopping, because that is my way of showing love to her. It is when I accompany a friend to his first painting exhibition to support him and his ideas.

Comfort
Means responding to a hurting or a disappopinted person with words, feelings and touch. Hurting with friends in midst of their grief, sadness or disappointment. When a friend of mine recently went through a difficult time, in which she spent so much of her time and energy and tears in, I was equally as disappointed with her. My heart too wept with her. It was not enough for me to say “I am sorry.” I sent her my thoughts, encouragement and helped her deal with her disappointment. My article on “why do bad things happen to good people” was a tribute to her and her situation. That’s my way of showing love.

Encouragement
Means urging and persisting someone to reach for their goals. It might mean to stimulate one another to love and good deeds. It might mean encouraging someone to kick the bad habit, being there with them, and trying to get them to give up the bad habits. It would certainly mean expressing confidence in their abilities, and reminding them why they took the task which they did. A friend who was going through an IVF, to try for a baby, was dreading it. I reminded her why she had to go through it. I encouraged her, reminded her time and again of the end results and respected her opinions and goals. I was with her on her goal/ mission.

Respect
Means valuing and regarding one another highly; treating one another as important. It means to honor one another. A guy has to honor and respect his girlfriend, and vice versa. Too often I see guys being an angel when they are with girls, but behind their backs, in company of their male friends, doesn’t show respect and honor to the girl. It also means respecting one another’s interests, values and opinions.

Support
Means coming alongside the person you love, supporting them gently and helping them through their struggles or difficult time. It might mean looking for ways to share their burdens. I remember, when some of my friends would have difficult preparing reports for their final projects, I would help them out, support them and help lighten the loads for them.

So there you have it. It’s quite lengthy, but this is my blueprint for loving someone. It’s not enough to say “I love you.” Loving someone is doing more than just saying; it require actions. Which is why, love to me is when someone loves someone so much that they would sacrifice their life for them.

Thanks for bearing with me!

Mansur

Islam and Music?

Hey everyone,

One of the most often debated issues is music and Islam. There are like so many opinions as to what is permissible and what isn’t. A Sunni will tell you one thing, and a Sufi will tell you another. A Muslim in the UK will tell you one thing, a Muslim in Bangladesh will tell you one. There are black Muslims who sing rap Islamic songs, and there those in the Eastern world who shun music of all kinds. It is no doubt a debatable issue.

I think for me, music is allowed, as long as it is within boundaries. There are two things that you cannot let happen with music. It should not distract you enough to keep you away from your prayers and your focus on God, and secondly, it should not contain lyrics that can contribute to a person’s nature to be corrupt. I mean, I do not listen to music which glorifies sex and eroticism. I do not listen to rappers who talk about girls in a very degrading manner. They talk about girls as if they are objects created purely for men’s desire. I hate those kind of songs. Then, I don’t listen to those songs that can make you go into a trance. I remember watching a TV programme one time on Sufism, and the music and the chanting was so effective, that I almost literally went into a trance. So, I mean, everyone knows their boundaries and limits, and so everyone can be their own judge as to what they can and what they cannot listen. I basically don’t listen to music that go against my principles of what’s right and what’s wrong. What may be unacceptable to me, may very well be acceptable to someone else, so my theory may not apply to you.

I am going to give you three examples. One is a Pakistani singer, Junaid Jamshed, who made pop music very popular in the early 90s. His one song, Dil Dil Pakistan has reached to such popular heights people sing it like it is the national anthem. He made a lot of music, and in the latte part of the 90s, when he split up with his group, he became extremely popular by going solo. Somewhere along the road, he found Islam, and thus started to keep a beard and wear trousers above his ankles. He continued to sing songs, love songs, on TV and stages whilst he had a huge beard. He claimed that he does not approve of music, and he was only singing now because he had a contract to fulfill. Yeah, like you uphold the contract higher than the Islamic ruling.

The other person, Cat Stevens (now Yusuf Islam), has shunned his life of a rock star when he became a Muslim. He went low for a while, and then re-emerged singing and making new music. In fact, the above website claims that his new song “holds the promise of a fantastic return to secular music.” I had a chance to observe him talk one time when he came to my university campus. Half way through, he started singing some of his own songs, which he had produced when he was a Christian. Some of the more Islamic students actually got up and left the hall. They were offended. But Cat Stevens sang his songs, and even produces music. In fact, there are two songs that I have of him on my iPod: Mother Father Brother Sister and I Have No Cannons That Roar. They are amazing songs.

I am sure you all must have heard of Sami Yusuf as well. His song on the Prophet (pbuh) is extremely popular. In fact, the owner of the internet cafe from where I am typing this plays it all the time. Yusuf is another example of a Muslim, making songs with music. I remember when I was at the gym in Jeddah, and Sami Yusuf’s song was playing on the TV. One of the guy there got really offended and actually left the room. He claimed that it was wrong for a Muslim to sing about the Prophet (pbuh) in like a proper song format with music and all. I was like, “well, if it is music that is not corrupting you in your nature, and is actually encouraging you to be more Islamic, what’s wrong with that?” His reply: “it’s music and its haraam!”

From Ahmed’s article on the emergence of an Arabic pop video involving a Muslim girl, in a hijab, dancing along with the male singer in the video, got me extremely curious. What the girl’s doing, is it right? Is it Islamic for her to be covered up and be involved in a video? Does this mean that there will be more pop videos with girls in hijab? Does this mean it would be easier for those girls in hijab to appear in videos? If she is wrong, how could the video be aired on all the Arabic music channels? I am not sure what the answer is, but I would love to know what it is!

Maybe you all can help me out!

Mansur

Black Abayas and White Thobes

Hey everyone,

There has been something on my mind here, which I have been meaning to ask people. I used to ask the women in my university, and they would not have a clear answer for me.

In this part of the world, the temperatures can be extreme. There are official rules in Saudi and UAE that if the temperatures hit 50 C then it’s a day off from work. Of course, no one officially declares the temperature to be 50c.

The traditional dress for the men is White thobes/ dishdasha. It is white, cotton and actually quite cool to wear. You don’t feel hot in it, and are very comfortable in that dress. On top of that, it’s white, and we all know white reflects the heat. So a man stays cool.

On the other hand, a women, who ventures out, has to wear an abaya in Saudi. Now, what I don’t understand is why her abaya is black. Of all the colors, her abaya has to be black! We all know black absorbs heat, so why does a woman has to endure that? I know in other Muslim countries, like Indonesia and Turkey, women wear other colors as well. Why can’t that dress code be adapted here? I mean, I actually feel sorry for women, who are wearing their normal clothes, and then covered up with the black abaya. Please don’t tell me that they are comfortable in that! I know that because almost everyone who I talked to here complained about that.

I wonder if the black color was adopted by the men in this part of the world to make it difficult for women to venture out? Was it a deliberate action to make it balck to discourage women from going out, and be in ‘purdah’ all the time? I wonder if the same attitude still prevails when the Saudi lawmakers still cannot let women vote and drive?

Just some food for thought!

Mansur

Sun-Tanned Me

Hi everyone,

I went to the beach recently, and I got myself a real good tan. Now I am like red all over. Someone recently even asked me if I put on some make-up to make my cheeks red, and I was like NO! It’s the sun tan effect! He was embarrased! So, now my neck and upper back is hurting me, because it is burnt. But somehow, my skin looks fresher and healthier.

Burnt-by-the-sun,

Mansur

Love?

Hey friends,

I was thinking deeply last night as I lay in my bed: what is love? When do I know when someone loves me? Is it simply when someone says I love you? Is it when someone does something for you when you least expect it? Is it when there is chemistry between two that its love? What is love anyway?

The dictionary defines love as:

1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.

2. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.

3. An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object.

4. A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment.

I mean, sure love means all those things, but when can I know that it is love for me, personally. I finally came to the conclusion just before I drifted off to sleep. For me, I can know that somone loves me when that someone is ready to lay down her/ his life for me. I think that is the greatest act of love that someone can perform to show one’s love for someone else. I am not asking for everyone to lay down their life, but I think when you come to an understanding with a friend, wife, husband, brother, sister or anyone else, to the point where you know the other person is ready to lay down their life for you, that is when you can know the other person loves you!

In other words: sacrificial love!

Any thoughts?

Mansur